I just realized...

That come Monday things between us are going to be weird. Like we'll have our own little secret. Some may view it as wrong on your part for being older and on my part for knowing better but i view it as misunderstood by most. People fear what they can't relate to. That is all okay. We can fix this. We can erase this? Rewind? Umm... please let me? God. Shit. I'm a fucking idiot. Oh well. I've created a monster and it's too big for me to kill it now. On my own i can't. I am so truly sorry. Will being apologetic help? I don't really think it will. I hope you don't feel as if i led you on tonight.

And another thing... So cats out of the bag and Amanda knows i like you and this is gonna be like what happened with Willy all over again. I can just taste it. I feel it coming. But i like it. It makes me excited to know that I'm allowed to fuck around with you now in that flirty and heated kind of way when before i couldn't because i was afraid Willy would think i was a whore or something crazy like that :) I mean cause who the hell would see me as that type of girl? Come on now. That is not like me. Totally out of character. Really. I swore to him. So like i said... come Monday I'm ready for the games and i could give less of a shit if it bothers him or if he doesn't give a fuck just as much as i don't anymore. But oh how delicious the look on his face will be when i turn on the charm right in front of his silly boy face in the courtyard where we usually stand in front of him and all his friends. I'm so fucking over being hung up over you. I am so over hang ups period. New year and a new fucking attitude. If one doesn't bite move on to the next mother fucker yo. I really don't care to much for people who can't make up their fucking minds. And one more thing... This whole thing with you and her. I'm gonna squash that shit and I'm sorry to be like that but i just have to do it. I can't let you walk around with her in one hallway and drop her off in the next so she can leave with a girl friend and come back to class with like twelve guys who are not you. I'm not gonna break the news to you. I'm gonna drop it on you like a fucking bomb. Not to hurt you but to wake you the hell up. For such a smart boy when it comes to fucking with other peoples heads you have no idea how hard they are fucking with yours and blinding you from all this secretive shit. And if it happens that you decide to stay with her then that's fine. I'll admit it. I'm gonna be fucking pissed because you're gonna be with an undeserving cunt rag and i would have treated you better but you're the one calling the shots remember BIG BOY? She is chaeting on you and you're lying to yourself but if that is how you like you relationships all chalked up and full of big fat fucking lies then have your fun and your fuck. I sincerely hope that it is worth it. Worth the whole two minutes :)