Hello my baby girl...

Christina baby.
Asia Dolly...

Yeyeyeyeyeyeyeyeyeyeyeyeyeye.

Dude i feel like its been ages.

Dude so i'll start from the begining.
Okay so i think i fucked up and fell in love with the boy who sits next to me everyday in my second period keyboarding class.
I have been talking to him for like the last semester and Ive come to adore every little thing about him. Everyday that Ive sat next to him hes made it seem like he likes me. I mean like you know when a guy who likes you always finds a way to look at you from across the room making sure you see him to know hes looking and when you guys are looking at each other you're exchanging some kind of feeling of fondness for one another? He looks at me as if hes dying to tell me something about liking me but he just won't for some silly reason? Well anyways... All those little things about him have made me like him more then Ive ever liked anybody dude. I wanted to tell him how i felt so bad. I felt like every time i looked at him that i was keeping some massive secret from him. I was so exhausted from all the little games we had been playing throughout are friendship. I felt that me telling him what i was feeling for him would be the little push i was thinking he needed in order to spill his guts. So i told him. He stayed quiet and i got embarrassed and i just walked away right when i saw he still hadn't opened his mouth to speak.

I was crushed dude. I didn't go to school one day during that week. My friend Amanda sent me a text saying that he went to talk to her and he told her that he had stayed quiet because he had been talking with this other chick and had asked her out and that they'd been together since that Monday. She told me that he made the saddest face when he was finished telling her. She also said that he looked like he was regretting being tied down to her big time. Supposedly that when he was talking about his girlfriend that he sounded like he wished he didn't have one. He made it seem to my friend that if he had been single when i told him that he would've asked me out.

That whole day and many many many days after i cried until i would pass out from being so tired and worked up over being so sad. I couldn't stop thinking of how pathetic i must have looked as i poured my heart out to him in the rain in the middle of the school yard. I sat and wondered about what the hell she had that i didn't. And i was so pissed about all the fucking mixed signals he had sent me. I guess i was like his toy. So after a couple weeks i started to be able to not run to the bathroom and vomit every time i saw him and his girlfriend walking together and he still acted like he liked me the rest of the semester. He would hug me at random times and stare at me from across the cafeteria and touch my face or brush my bangs outta my face. But he stayed with her and it pissed me off more and more. Bit i still couldn't hate him or even hate her.

So come the weekend of the party and i was itching to cut the fuck loose and dance with random guys and get higher then a kite and drink till my words slurred and my eyes drooped. And even though i didn't smoke i had plenty to drink. They put what i think was an ecstasy in one of my beers and i was rolling hard core. I was freaking out and sweating bullets and talking funny and my fucking heart was racing so fast i could feel it in my and hear it louder then the music and voices at the party. I sware to god i must have only blinked twice in those whole like five hours. I was so wired. And i was so scared and i wasn't hurting for once. The pill washed it all out. I was so scared and kept dancing because my legs wouldn't let me stop and i had to hide from the guys i had been drinking with and i had to keep from laying down anywhere in the house. But the best part was that i forgot about him. The worst part is that i still remember him. My friend is throwing a small get together in two weeks. I faintly remeber crying at the party to because i was so fucking tired. So dead tired from everything. I could not stop moving. I wanted to lay down so bad. I was feeling so energetic when i just wanted to sleep. I just wanted him to pick me.




Soul and substance. Love and liqour. What drives us to mix them?