That night was horrible.

Party at Selena's. I consumed more alcohol that night then i have all the other times i have ever drank in my whole life combined. Beer. Shots. And a shitload of more beer. And some MD 20/20. The shit tasted like chunky, icy, cough medicine but it got the job done. I realized we had almost polished off an entire ice chest of beer and i knew i was in trouble. I had a beer that night and it tasted really really bitter and almost chalky. It didn't taste like beer at all and i could see the white powder floating around at the bottom of the bottle. I told Selena and she assured me it was nothing and that I had probably mistaken some foam for a pill or something. Well, turns out i didn't. My eyes were glassy as hell and i was sweating bullets on a night that was rather cold. I was in a very light t-shirt and too drunk to dance hardly at all so i definitely wasn't sweating from moving around a lot. My breathing was heavy and my head felt like i had air whooshing around inside it and i felt my eyes wanting to close on me. I have to admit though that i was feeling rather on top of the world the whole night. My what I'm guessing was a lightly spiked beer made me forget all about Guillermo and my father and how disappointed my mother was going to be when she picked me up. I almost got into a fight and into a car with some very drunk friends. Thank god somebody stayed sober cause i could have been wrapped around a telephone pole that night. Anyways i failed my mother and broke her trust and now she'll see to it that I'm never allowed outside my house for the rest of my adolescent life. I came home after being chewed out for SMELLING like a brewery. I honestly believe my mother took it way too easy on me. I am so ashamed. I hadn't drank since last summer and i was doing so well. I let myself down. I let my friends down. I let my family down. But that night let me forget about my life and i didn't feel anything. No pain at all. The first day that was pain free for months. I cant say i regret feeling good but i do regret that i caused my family pain. I'm deeply sorry. I made a fool of myself. I think the worst part is is that i was made aware of this by all my friends who were less intoxicated then i was and they had been at the party for longer. I don't know why i turn to substances for comfort sometimes. I am not an alcoholic but i fear that one day I'm gonna end up liking its effectiveness too much for my own good. For my own health and well being. I feel like and idiot.

" i count the days that we have spent apart. ive got a bad liver and a broken heart. theres no salvation in the comfort of you. you drove me to the edge youve caused me all this pain."